Casting The First Stone

We experience many real offenses in life. But we can also choose what occupies our lives and our hearts.  Anger and love cannot occupy the same space within us. We must find a way to forgive those who offend us, that we may also be forgiven ourselves. Alexander Pope said it best, "To err is human, to forgive is divine."

Transcript

Casting The First Stone

Welcome to the Verbal Motivation podcast. Where we talk about the things that motivate our lives, our religion and our relationships. My name is Nathan Vail. 

If you have an opinion about the subject matter in today’s podcast, please leave it in a voicemail at 530-876-4153 or you can send an email to verbalmotivation@gmail.com. 

This is episode number 23 called, Casting The First Stone

I would like to talk about a tough subject today. Quite possibly the hardest commandment ever inflicted on mankind.  And yet because of its difficulty, it yields incredible spiritual benefit.  I am talking about forgiving others who have offended us.

There are very real offenses in this life as well as some frivolous ones. But the effect on us when we hold anger towards another person is the same in either case. 

I met someone once who told me that they could not forgive another person because they were “wronged!” by that person. when I heard that I thought to myself, what other scenario is there?  Is it possible for there to be a need to forgive someone that did not wrong you? Imagine if we alter the Saviors commandment to say, forgive unless you were wronged. 

The need to forgive only comes in one way.  Someone wrongs us, then we make a conscious decision to forgive them.

The Savior’s words on this issue are clear, “...Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven…”

But this is not a one sided commandment. What we gain from forgiving others, is greater than can be described and is much larger than just the act itself. 

I was told once by someone that smoked their whole life, how much better food tasted after they stopped smoking. That is because smoking can dull the senses of taste and smell over time. When someone quits smoking, their taste buds and sense of smell often start to recover, leading to a heightened appreciation for flavors. 

Similarly, if we carry anger or hatred through our lives, it diminishes our ability to enjoy life because our other senses have been dulled.

President Nelson has taught, “Not forgiving others is poison for us. Grudges weigh us down. Angry disagreements Separate us. Animosity and hatred can divide families…”

To be clear. I am not saying that we are not justified in being angry or offended. People do things that hurt other people, intentionally or otherwise. But the personification of freedom to choose is that we ultimately can decide what our response will be.

When I was in Jr. high school, I played on the volleyball team. Every Wednesday was a game day and our coach wanted us to respect the school and the sport that we played so he had us wear ties to school every week. I was skinny and awkward at that age and volleyball was not a particularly popular sport. There was a football player in my art class that I’ll call “John,” who loved to make fun of me and never more than on wednesdays. My art teacher would often leave us working on a project and be gone the rest of the class period. One Wednesday “John” pulled me by my tie to the front of the class and choked me with it until tears welled up in my eyes. Needless to say, hatred began to fill my young heart towards this person.  I found myself hoping that misfortune would befall him in life so I could have my revenge. That anger remained with me for some time.

I once heard a quote from Joseph Smith that I love but was unable to find today. But as I remember it, he said that he was unwilling to curse his enemies, for fear that they might repent someday. 

Many years ago I was flying from California to Utah with my finance and her friend.  On the flight her friend had an asthma attack and by some mistake her in-hailer was in her bag that got checked under the plane.  By the time we landed her situation was serious and other planes had been diverted so that we could land quicker.  They rushed us off the plane to the waiting EMTs.  As I stood there watching her rescuers, I couldn’t believe my eyes, when I realized that one of the EMTs was john, the bully from Jr. High.  She was restored to normal breathing and as they prepared to wheel her away, I looked at him and said, “Hi John.”  He looked up at me with a priceless look of surprise, amazed that I knew his name.  My moment had arrived. I had grown taller, was larger and successful in every way. Here he was in public, and with it my chance to tell him what a jerk he is and shame him in front of his coworkers.  I would not have even had to think about the words because I had practiced them in my mind as a youth. But I couldn’t because all my hatred had suddenly become guilt. I couldn’t believe as I watched that this person that I had hated for so long, appeared to have changed. He appeared to be kind and was certainly a professional. Suddenly I was all alone amid the crowd of onlookers realizing that the hatred I had carried all that time was for naught.

What a blessing it was for me that day, to briefly cross paths with him. Just long enough to realize that Joseph Smith was right; people change. What if youthful wish had come true and some misfortune had befallen him at my request. Is it possible that I would then have become the guilty one. 

Perhaps this is why the Lord says, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

When I lived in the bible belt I heard people say in angry religious disputes, “we will see when we die.” I hated that phrase then but now I think it is true. I think when we die, our eyes will be open just like it says in 1 Corinthians 13:12 and just like what happened to me, we will realize that our hatred was a self administered poison.

I am not saying that every offender is going to change. I am saying that the reason or justification for our hatred does not change the fact that love and hatred cannot exist in the same space.

I once visited my podiatrist who needed to work on the bottom of my foot. A very sensitive area, as it turns out. He brought out what appeared to me to be a cow needle full of anesthetic. He began spraying what would be the injection site on my foot with a cold solution. I became nervous at the site of the needle and out of pure need for distraction said something like, “Isn't it amazing how cold numbs your skin to where you can’t feel anything?” He smiled and said it doesn't actually work that way, it is not just that it's cold, he said, It’s that you can only feel one thing at a time. If I overwhelm your nerves with cold, you can’t also feel the pain of the needle.”  

What a profound life truth that is, in life we also can only feel one thing at a time. If our hearts are filled with hatred, it numbs all of our other feelings. In addition, anger and hatred have a tendency to multiply and we become like chain smokers except with anger; but the dulling effect is the same.

When the adulterous woman was brought before Jesus, he didn’t make a case to the Pharisees that they were wrong about her and she had committed no crime. He said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one…and Jesus he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? “She said, "No man, Lord.” And Jesus said unto her, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:6–11).

It is simply not our place to judge and harboring ill will is a form of judging. 

President Nelson taught the following in and Easter message:

Audio From Easter Message

Each of us will have the chance in this life to forgive another person. We should do so freely because the hardest things we are asked to do, will yield the greatest spiritual benefit. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley said that [forgiveness] may be the greatest virtue on earth.
I would add that it yields one of the greatest spiritual benefits. 

Alexander Pope said it best, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.”

My name is Nathan Vail and this is the Verbal Motivation Podcast